In July, I felt the apprehension building. The count down had begun for school . August was just a few weeks away and big changes were coming.
For the boys, summer was over and it was back to the routine.
Jake entered the third grade. The pain of leaving the xbox and endless snacks was upon him :) But as I expected he rolled with the punches and did not miss a beat!
Nick started his senior year! I am still asking myself am I really this old ! Where did the time go?
He embraced going back ,ready to begin the best year of high school.
So you ask yourself where is the apprehension coming from ? Well, that leaves the littles.
Ava has been home for three years and I knew that peer mentoring was so important for her speech but her need to attach and feel secure trumped all. I felt like it was time. As her momma I knew she was ready. Question is did she know she was ready! And the biggest question was I ready!
Pei has been home for a little over 1 year and the guilt that I felt was over whelming. I truly felt like I was throwing her to the wolves!
After all Ava had three years of my undivided attention.
But I got the courage one day over the summer and signed them up . The deposit was payed and it was done. So I put it out of my mind. You know that little place in your mind where you stick stuff you really do not want to think about . Yep ,that is where all of this went.
A few weeks before school started I had to sit down and write a quick bio on each of the girls to help the teacher know them better.
I felt that tension building again . As I wrote about each of their lives I felt really flooded with urgency. How was I going to explain how each of these little girls lives began so differently from the other little students . When they watch me walk away it is not just the normal separation anxiety it is so much more.
"Will she come back?"
Ava has PTSD. There is just no grey area with her. In her mind everything is black or white. And when that fear is unleashed it takes a grip on her it is paralyzing. As her mom, I am her constant and consistent shelter. But once she walks through those doors I will not be there.
Pei has adjusted so well since being home. But is she ready for such a drastic change?
Before I knew it the date had arrived . School was beginning and there is no turning back.
So together holding hands my two brave little girls began school.
We talked a great deal about what it would be like.
And of course letting them know that when they lay down for nap time ,I am on my way to come and get them :)
I think the simple fact that they are in the same class helps. The sheer presence of your sister brings comfort and there is always a friendly hug available when needed :)
But something so miraculous happened ...
They did not cry .
But I balled like a baby when I got in the car :)
So two days a week I am rediscovering what a little "me time" is all about :)
On a side note, we did a little decorating for Halloween. We carefully selected our pumpkins and thoughtfully decorated them .
But something was working on our display.
So our mysterious pumpkin violator made himself known a few days later...