Some say there are five not seven stages of grief. I am not really sure who is correct because when you are living it there is no clear cut pattern that grief follows . I gave up trying to count them in fact ,I decided to just follow her lead.
I have learned that when people ask how Pei is adjusting and I say "great" I am setting myself up for another journey into the trenches of grief.
Or maybe we thought that she had moved on only to be reminded that in fact she was still silently struggling .
Or just maybe I had just begun to accept some of this as her personality.
Do not get me wrong Pei has an infectious giggle and a smile that can just light up a room . But there also is a serious side that is never far from the surface.
But we have seen a change recently.
I mean a drastic change.
We have seen less of this girl.
In fact, we have not see this girl at all.
But instead I would like to introduce you to who has taken her place.
A little girl who seems lost no more,
A little girl who radiates confidence and happiness.
A little girl who can not contain or hide her smile .
Grief is a complicated and often misunderstood emotion. Pei is a master at stonewalling. Behind that wall was fear, anger and sadness. That is a large load for such small shoulders to bear.
I realized that I could not force this process ,it had to be at her own pace.
But it appears that the walls have come down ...
and unveiled is the most amazing little girl just wanting to be loved ,accepted and belong.
This is the beautiful face of letting go
... and man it is beautiful!
Stunning Sophia 6/23/1997
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